Friday's Feelings #1

So, in the spirit of Wordless Wednesday? & wanting to be the oddball weirdo who makes up her own craziness? I give you Friday's Feelings:

Which search-engine image best represents your day?

Would you care to tell us why?

Well. Okay. This morning was kicked off with Squish in a really bad mood. We're struggling with his mainstream education, and the problem really lies in his behaviors at school. Today, I was in the office before school, restraining him with one hand, cradling coffee in the other and managing to protect passers-by from the flails and bumps coming from my 5 year old with Herculean strength. Once I managed to get to a position to put my coffee down safely, Squish broke free. I sprang the whole step back towards him and in one fell swoop, grounded his chair, his backpack and his body into a hold. He wasn't happy. He struggled, I struggled. A substitute passed by us and smiled that therapeutic smile. She said something about me doing the right thing and to stick with it. It made me feel a little less isolated in that busy crowded office. It wasn't a pity smile. It was a therapeutic one. Thank you, sweet substitute. You helped more than you know.

This is just something I am trying.

What do you think? Should I keep Friday's Feelings?

Scarlett

     My husband and I have been having a hard time with our van. It totally became of those "if it's not one thing, it's another" type of deals. Transmission, air conditioning, brakes, tires - the whole 9. With my husband struggling and unable to do the repairs alone because of his injury, kids who needed a reliable vehicle to get to therapies and me starting school/work - we swallowed our pride & reached out to my parents for help. This was ... probably mid-June.

     I don't know exactly how the background deals worked, but Sunday night - my mom calls and asks if I had a minute to talk. Apparently, my Grandma had just been gifted a great van, and she was looking to give her 1998 Ford Explorer to one of the grand-kids. Luckily for me, all my cousins are amazing self-sufficient individuals and had no need for it! Well, fast forward to Tuesday morning, and I am in a AAA office in Orange County with my Grandma and mom, filing out papers and getting insurance quotes!

[  M e e t  S C A R L E T T  ]

Ain't she sexy? *giggle*

March 5th, 2013

Another "typedintotheipadandforgotten" blog, dated March 5th, 2013.

I have three beautiful kids. Antonio just turned six. Marcos is about to turn five. Delilah just turned one.

I am sitting in the hospital with Antonio right now, furiously typing away while he sleeps. If i dont type, I cry.Thank God for a silent keypad. Anyhoo. We called 911 at 6:45 this morning, because he had his 7th febrile seizure. He hasn't had one for about a year, but I knew it was coming. Basically, he gets a high fever, and can seize at anytime. His temperature came in at 101 ... and not even ten minutes later, it was at 103.8. It's scary, but we were told he'll grow out of them. It doesn't look like that's the case. They are referring him to a pediatric neurologist to see if he actually has epilepsy.

Thirty Four Days Ago

I type up blogposts on my iPad ... And they never make it to the blog. I am trying to get this stuff on here! This was thirty four days ago ... And I am trying to post this via the blogger app, so forgive me for the weird pic placement or randomness of my thought train. ;)

I am not one to share too much personal stuff on places like this since i have had really bad experiences with a group of "women" from an old social networking site. But hey ... i gotta figure, its a new year, I have a new set of friends and a whole new outlook on life. Share away...

No School Monday

Today, my son Antonio has a school holiday, so he is home all day while I do the other kid's therapy sessions. My son Marcos has Autism and has two hours of intense Applied Behavior Analysis therapy a day. My daughter, Delilah, has visits weekly visits from Pediatric Occupational Therapy and an Early Intervention Infant Program. You can click the links (they open in a new window) if you want to know a little more about it all. Or you can ask me. Any way, back to the story...

Well, needless to say, I had all the kids with me while I ran errands. I hit Target, Petsmart and USPS. By the time we made it to USPS, Marcos had enough of errands. He was all over the place. Jumping in place, spinning and aggressively patting the stroller (aggravating Delilah in the process). I was fine. All in a days chaos...

     Until this older lady came in behind me. Obviously in a hurry, and obviously irritated by my situation. You start to notice when people judge you and your parenting skills. Naturally, I suddenly realize exactly how many times I have said "stop it," or "come here," given the stinkeye, or gritted my teeth and sharply whispered some stupid empty threat like "Knock it off or I'm going to throw away the Wii!" It's almost like I can feel this lady's eyes bore into my head...

     So this lady is headdrilling me and I'm starting to get annoyed, because not only are all my kids on hyped up OMGLETSGETOUTTAHERE mode ... this woman is being a jerk about waiting in line. Huffing and puffing in the back of my head, shifting her weight and clicking her teeth when my kid bounces around. So, she finally gets the nerve to speak:

"I bet you'll be glad when that one's back in school, huh?"

My heart dropped. I felt like her words hit me like a ton of bricks.

I spun around, whirling one kid around with me, and looked this woman dead in the face.

In my head, I had all these bitchy defensive mom things to say:

"I bet you're glad you had boring kids, huh?"

"Nah, his mom is awesome. Your kiddos didn't fare so well, eh?"

"He just ate 20 Snickers and washed them down with Go Go Juice."

"If you're going to watch him dance all day, you could at least tip him"

I could have said any one of the thousand things they teach me in therapy. I could have rattled off some stats about how he needs sensory time. How sorry I was that she was uncomfortable. I could have. But I didn't. I just smiled and gave a weak little chuckle. I was exhausted, and for some reason, those words hit me hard. On the walk home, I honestly answered her ... while pushing a stroller, balancing three drinks and holding my bouncy Marcos' hand for dear life as we crossed the street, praying I would be able to react fast enough if he decided to run off. I answered her. I honestly and truthfully answered her ... and got teary-eyed.

"No, I won't be glad. I have sent this sweet boy to school before. He came home with unexplained bite marks, wet diapers and new habits. I had to fight tooth and nail to get him accepted into a "special day class" for kids with Autism. Kids like him. There was one teacher, and an aide for each kid. We weren't allowed to come watch class, or ask questions. No volunteering, no class parties or parades. No holidays, no class photos, no PTA. Drop your kid and leave. He learned to spit, bite people and scream at the top of his lungs in school. He rode the bus and hated the harness he had to wear, but loved the bus. He's going to be five in March ... and not that it's any of your damn business lady, but I am dreading it. I'm dreading the day he goes back to school with all my fucking heart."

The lady's comment wasn't even all that horrible. I've heard worse. But in that moment, walking across the street, in all my watery-eyed mess ... no one asked me what was wrong. No one offered to help while I struggled up onto the sidewalk. Not one of the ten people who passed me up took three seconds to lift the front of the stroller on that high ass curb. No one smiled. Notta friggen one. I'm not bitter, I made it through today. I'm okay, but you know what? The next time I see a mom, in these shoes ... I'm stopping. I'm asking. I'm smiling. I'm lifting that stroller. I'm helping. And I hope you do too. You just never know.

     In all honesty, it just hit me like a ton of bricks to the chest today. Just, hurt. I'm sorry I wasn't my usual snarky little firecracker self, but ... I was just to tired to educate someone today. Maybe tomorrow. There's always tomorrow ... right?

Face Time!

No, not the app. I realized I don't have many photos up for you guys to see or even know what I look like. Well, here goes ... these are not in any real order. I just found a couple of photos on facebook & threw them up in a post. Not that kind of throw up. Frick, you get the idea ... this is me.

I love black and white photos.

Maybe because I am soo light skinned haha.

I have loved tattoos since I was like ... three.

I have to admit, I really miss my short hair.

Me, when my hair started growing out.

My son and I. Yes, he's a ham ...

My daughter and I in the mirror a while back.

Halloween 2012: Sick, but I have never missed a Halloween. Ever.

Oh & for those of you who might think I'm on the skinny-minnie side of life? I'm not.

My hips could knock small planets out of orbit.

If you really want to see more photos of my family, my puppy & what it is that I do all day, follow me on instagram. (jessiemarvel)

My ABCs

     I was blog-cruising for stuff to do to tell you guys more about me --- and came across this ABC doo-hicky off of a new-to-me blogger named Janette over at www.thejohansonjourney.com & I figured ... easy enough, let's go for it. A-Z can't be all thaaat difficult, right? ;)

A} Age:

I am 25, but have been called an old soul on more than one occasion.

B} Bed Size:

California King. ;)

C} Chore you dislike:

I hate the vacuum. Thank my lucky stars every day for laminate flooring...

D} Dogs:

Yep! We have a "little" bully breed baby named Chance.

E} Essential start to your day:

Slapping the alarm clock at least three times in an effort to catch up on all the sleep I thought I was was good for as a childless human. Then brushing my teeth, throwing my hair into a messy pony & finding the quickest way to ingest caffeine.

F} Favorite Colors:

I love orange. Like the creamsicle-esque orange? That one.

G} Gold or Silver:

I love gold, but that was pretty much for my younger (tanner) years. I am a total silver-wearer now ... and I actually prefer sterling.

H} Height:

Probably shorter than your average 6th grader. I'm four feet, eleven inches tall & short of nothing. ;)

I} Instruments you play (past/present):

I think everyone knows the recorder in fourth grade out here, but I assure you, I was horrid. I hated that thing. I played violin for a while as a kid, I liked it & wish I would have stuck with it.

J} Job Title:

Mommy. I'm also known as "that crafty mom from therapy." The photo is kind of representative of a typical day. Only, throw in therapy. Lots and lots of therapy.

K} Kids:

Holy buhjeez. Yes. I have personally given birth to three: Antonio (just turned 6 on 1/29/13), Marcos (5 on 3/11/13) and Delilah (1 on 2/2/13). *Deep breath* Then there is Michelle (19 on 2/4/13), Krystal (18 on 6/22/13), Javi (16 on 2/1/13), Jennifer (7 on December 14, 2013) and Baby Isaiah (Krystal's baby due in April 2013). I know, I need photos. Soon, I promise.

L} Live:

long & prosper.

M} Mom’s name:

My birth mom's name is Debbie. My mom is Cheri.

N} Nicknames:

Jessica, Jess. I was adopted at 8, and "Stormy" was one of those names I hated. I couldn't escape the stupid questions. The "really?!" or the eyeroll. I chose Jessica. I became Jessica. My family usually calls me Jess. My mom called me Jessie, and to this day, it sounds weird coming out of anyone elses mouth.

O} Over night hospital stays:

Three times. For c-sections, Oh what a happy happy joy joy that was. I was SO glad to get out of there. I hate confined spaces and white walls. It was bad.

P} Pet Peeves:

(Too funny Janette, same answer.) The repetitive  unchanging noises. Like, pen tapping, or foot tapping. Clocks piss me off if they are too loud. Or people who blow bubbles with their over-chewed gum over and over and over ... yeah those noises. I know, weird.

Q} Quote from a Movie:

"Ever notice how you come across somebody once in a while you shouldn't have f'd with? That’s me." it's from Clint Eastwood's character in Gran Torino. Yeah, I love that movie. 

R} Righty or Lefty:

Ambidextrous. It means I can break my right hand, and still write. Right? ;)

S} Siblings:

Ok, so were you shocked when I listed off my kids? Well ... *deep breath* Richie, Cindy, Chad, Misty, Brandon, Bret, Robyn & Sarah.

T} Time you wake up:

Depends on what time the kids' therapy is scheduled for the day. And if they let me actually sleep or not.

U} URL favorite these days:

Mehh, idk actually. I have been trying to wean myself off of the inter-webs  Not working to well...

V} Vegetables you don’t like:

Cauliflower or broccoli. No, pretending to be a dinosaur eating trees doesn't help. I tried, more than once.

W} What makes you run late:

Having an entire softball team to dress, organize and account for. That and my pants are always too long, so I spend a big chunk of time folding them up/in in the mornings.

X} Xenophile:

It means "one attracted to foreign things, as styles or people." (this X word was originally X-ray so Janette changed it to teach you a word that begins with X. Pick a new word!) 

Y} Yesterday memory:

Seems like yesterday that I was thin enough to fit into a size 3/5. Not.

Z} Zoo Animal Favorite:

Umm, I like the cute fluffy faced monkeys that are in the mesh things. Not the huge, bang on the glass and pick their butt ones.

I love that based on letters of the alphabet, you guys totally know a lot of random things about me. Do this one yourselves, and link me in the comments! I'd love to see what you guys come up with for your ABCs.